We are Pisscum

We are the experts in building illegal last-mile access networks.

Our most popular plans

inOne Mobile:
Broke Boy light

1 Mbps

  • 500MB of data total
  • 128MB* at "full speed"
    (throtteled to 64Kbps after or whenever we feel like it)
  • 9.90.-/min for Calls (both originate and receive)
  • 5.90.-/SMS (both send and receive)
  • "You can't afford" for anything thats not national

69.90

Become the
Broke Boy

inOne Combo:
Join the Cult XL

10 Gbps*

  • *If our networks aren't congested as usual
    Expect around 10-800 Mbps**
    **on a good day
  • *If exceeding 500Mbps speeding fine will cost 249.90.-/sec
  • Overprovisioned backbone!
  • Includes "Broke Boy XS" inOne Mobile :
    • 1.90.-/Bit at 4Bps max
    • 13.90.-/min Calling
    • SMS Not Supported
  • Soul Binding Terms will Apply and can change at any moment

666.-

Ṡẗäṛẗ ẗḧë Ṛïẗüäḷ

inOne Internet:
DSLAMing

500 Mbps*

  • *Only if these conditions are met :
    • Our Network isnt Congested
    • Connection to rusty water damaged DSLAM works at all
    • Cable length to DSLAM is below 1cm and made of Gold
  • 1990.90.- Setup Fee
  • Random Router Crashes Guaranteed

190.90

Slam your budget to the floor
Go buy internet access here if you want usable speeds

Why would one even choose us?

Masochism!

Pisscum is dedicated to making you endure as many human rights violations as possible!

Here our latest example :
We offer supposid 10 Gbps subscriptions, but since we love bulding out P2MP last mile access, you will only get that speed at around 3AM while performing a ritual to our CEO. At any other time our backhaul is too congested since were too busy extorting everyone we peer with! Sorry not sorry we just love money so much!!!

Check out P2MP
super-ngebut

Piss Peering

We think we are a T1, so we won't peer with anyone without large payments. This results in premium Swiss cheese congestion to AS13335, whom we reach over Level 3!

super-ngebut

WE LOVE P2MP

If we think at all, it is exclusively about our shareholders. That's why we are continuing to build P2MP access connections, despite ComCom telling us it's like super giga illegal mlol.

super-ngebut

Supreme Infra!

We love lying. You will pay us 79.90CHF a month for your mobile enslavement plan and still get total packet loss at Stadelhofen! (Unless you pay us ungodly amounts extra, then it might work)

super-ngebut

100% Swiss-Made*

*Except the following: Developers, Support, Technicians, anyone else needed to run a telecum company, Hardware, Software, anything else to be honest.

Still not convinced?

Check out how we run the most successful peering cartel at our goonbuddies Init7 (from which we steal hardware if we feel like it):

Init7 on Peering

konsultasi