Pisscum peering "policy"

Where we pretend to be a T1 and run cartels with our German buddies.

peering-network

Our premium helvetic peering philosophy

At Pisscum, we believe everyone should pay us money for access to our customers. Because our packets are blessed by Swiss mountain air.

Why only charge customers for traffic, when you can charge the CDNs too!

Settlement Free Peering

money

Requirements

  • Must be in our top 5 traffic partners
  • Must have at least 3 PoPs in Switzerland
  • Traffic ratio must be exactly 1:1 (we use a ruler)
  • Must not complain to ComCom for 11+ years like Init7 did
  • Word of mouth says that no one ever got settlement free peering with us

Paid Peering

premium

Our Specialty

  • 670.-/Mbps commitment
  • Minimum 10 Gbps commitment (on a gigabit port)
  • We will also extort you to pay.
  • We charge based on asymmetric traffic ratios
    • Sending party pays! Free Money Glitch for our peering cartel
  • Sadly for our customers, we were unable to extort Cloudflare to pay us money, have fun with 200ms latency added to all traffic to them! :D

Transit Services

premium

Last Resort

  • For when we can't extort you for peering
  • 1340.-/Mbps (double the peering price!)
  • Best "effort" delivery (for a fee)
  • Routes through premium DTAG hostage
  • 95th percentile billing with our special crack math

Our "Impressive" Network Stats

ASS 3303

We own this ASN and act like we're a Tier 1 provider because we're special (in a bad way).

With over 42 BGP sessions (most paid through our cartel extortion), we connect to approximately 0.1% of the internet directly (if at all). The rest goes through our expensive transit providers, adding premium latency to your YouPoop videos. Fun fact: we once fought Init7 for 11+ years over peering costs!

Want to peer with us?

Send your peering request to cartel@pisscum.ch and we'll get back to you with an invoice and a contract to sell us your liver or firstborn. Our peering coordinator is a chatbot that only responds with "pay us money" in 47 different languages.

Remember: We don't peer for free because our packets are blessed by Swiss mountain air and therefore cost extra. We learned this premium business model from our Deutsche Telekom cartel partners!

peering-team